2025年感恩节，Roy从 Washington, D.C. 来纽约看我。时间很短，停留还不到一天。等她坐上回程的车，我才觉得，还有两件事没来得及和她说。
就写在这里，待她闲下来，可以翻翻看。
一、关于“持家”
Roy在 DC 读书、独立生活，这正是锻炼“持家能力”的好时候。
我觉得，持家能力是一种“人生底层系统能力”。它就像开车，是对工具的运用；也像外语，是理解世界的能力。我希望她在异国生活的同时，也能顺带学会持家。
比如，今天她发现12月份的房租总费用比以前多了一百多美元，说晚上要去弄清楚原因——这就是持家能力。再比方说，平时留意超市的优惠，趁着折扣适当储备一些生活必需品，也是持家能力。
一个人总得知道自己每个月的钱花在了哪里，哪些地方可以优化。习惯养成以后，在同样的预算下，常常能够省下一点，把钱用在更值得的地方——不论是投资，还是学习。
先学会持一个人的家，将来就有能力持两个人的家；再往后，也能持起一个大家庭的生活。我在上海旅游时，听过不少朋友称赞会持家的女主人——让一家人“吃香喝辣”，生活又井井有条。我认为，那不是天生的，而是练出来的。
和Roy聊天时，我提过一句“做好交易”和“做正常交易”的区别，可惜没来得及展开。会持家，就是要多做“好交易”。我希望她早一点建立起这种生活能力。这样的能力，会陪她一辈子。
二、和“诸神”打交道
Roy从小生活的环境偏向无神论，对诸神的概念知道得不多。今天，我在网上听到Shizeng Tang谈起自己曾经与死亡擦肩而过，也谈到自己一直与诸神保持着不错的关系。我忽然想起第二件事——我希望Roy能够认识“诸神”。
不必迷信，也无须盲从。只不过，多认识几种理解世界的结构，总归不是坏事。
认识上帝，认识耶稣，读一读《圣经》——起码有所了解。至于以后她愿意和谁“关系最好”，由她自己选择。
这算不上急事。但在适当的时候，我们可以慢慢聊。
我协助她学驾驶，学英语，学持家，学风险意识，学理财，学认识诸神……这些都是一点一点摸索出来的。
对如何做好父亲，我一直诚惶诚恐。
English Translation
How Can I Be a Good Father?
During Thanksgiving 2025, Roy came from Washington, D.C. to visit me in New York. The visit was brief—less than a day. Only after she boarded the bus home did I realize that there were still two things I had not had time to tell her.
So I am writing them here. When she has a quiet moment, she can come back and read them.
1. On Managing a Home
Roy is studying and living independently in D.C. This is a good time for her to develop the ability to manage a home.
I see this as a foundational system for life. Like driving, it is a way of using tools; like learning another language, it is a way of understanding the world. While she is living away from home, I hope she will also learn how to run a household well.
Today, for example, she noticed that her total rent charges for December were more than a hundred dollars higher than before. She said she would find out why that evening. That is part of managing a home. So is watching for supermarket discounts and buying a sensible supply of everyday necessities when the price is good.
A person should know where the money goes each month and what can be improved. Once these habits are established, the same budget can often go further, leaving more for things that matter—whether investment or learning.
First learn to manage a home for one person; later, you may be able to manage a home for two, and eventually the life of a larger family. While traveling in Shanghai, I heard friends praise women who could make family life both abundant and orderly. I do not think that ability is inborn. It is practiced.
When Roy and I talked, I briefly mentioned the difference between merely making an ordinary transaction and making a good one, but we did not have time to explore it. Managing a home means learning to make more good transactions. I hope she begins building this ability early. It will stay with her for life.
2. Becoming Acquainted with “the Gods”
Roy grew up in a largely secular environment and knows relatively little about the idea of gods. Today, I heard Shizeng Tang speak online about having once come close to death, and about maintaining a good relationship with the gods. It reminded me of the second thing I wanted to say: I hope Roy will become acquainted with “the gods.”
There is no need for superstition or blind obedience. Still, it cannot hurt to understand several different ways of seeing how the world is structured.
Learn about God and Jesus. Read the Bible, at least well enough to understand it. Later, she can decide for herself with whom she wishes to have the closest relationship.
This is not urgent. At the right time, we can talk about it slowly.
A Father’s Question
No one taught me how to be a father.
I helped her learn to drive, learn English, manage a home, understand risk, handle money, and become acquainted with the gods. I found my way through these things little by little.
When I ask myself how to be a good father, I still approach the question with humility and trepidation.